So while trying to study for my finance test I find myself distracted with break up blogs and videos. God I'm getting so pathetic now. Whatever it takes to get through right?
No tears today...yet...it is only midday and haven't played any music however. I am trying my best to put the positive spin on this, the ''there's someone way better out there who will actually love and care for me" sort of thing. Problem is where to find that person, if he should exist haha.
In my happier days when I was my bubbly self, I would instead distract myself with make up videos and tutorials. Funnily enough, it lead me to an awesomely inspiring video about break ups instead by one of the make up artists:kandee the make-up artist: Break-Ups and Broken Hearts
Weirdest thing is even before we broke up, I did stumble upon this video and considered that all the emotional abuse and criticism he put me through while we together, combined with my jealousy and paranoia, was actually a recipe for a break up. This was just before Sydney.
Maybe it was slightly more mutual than I thought. I did used to think I couldn't marry someone that treated me this way, but I'm happy to chug along and have good times with him for now because that was way easier than being lonely. I think I was crushed by the rejection and sudden change of character even though breaking up may have been inevitable. It is true that after breaking up you only think about those good times, the happy, awesome, god I'm in love sort of times. The cute way he would jiggle or envelop me with hugs. And the actual problems get dusted away for awhile, only to return when reconciliation is on the cards.
So I'm in a slightly more accepting mood right now. But that's just right now. Hopefully I won't return later to be sobbing at the keyboard again.
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