Trying to be civil

So the beginning of yesterday was a bad day...1% from failing that dreaded finance test I couldn't study properly for, then bawling on the way home about how that ass screwed everything in my life over and I couldn't feel normal anymore. I was also aware that he was taking out some German girls that his loser friend introduced him to, to a movie on Friday and they're taking him to a party on Saturday, and one of them is really keen on him. That ripped my heart out some more. So I moped at home for a few hours.

Then I got back into those inspirational videos and articles that sometimes help to bring me out of hopelessness...and they worked. I'm still in the process of changing my state of mind, which is really super difficult. Basically I just have to try and accept that this thing is fully over. Sure I still want him, and maybe that will happen one day in the distant future. But at least for now it's up to me to try and make some changes. And I have to be okay with him trying to move on too. We were good together, but not the best. I just miss him.

I later went out with my friends for a drink, and was feeling good. Even better when a couple of guys hit on me. And the best friend of a guy mate of mind told me he loves me and I should give him a chance (haha I've been there already...but it is truly a case of 'friend zone'). That really is an ego boost when you're feeling ugly and worthless after so much putting yourself out there and then rejection. I did have a bit of a 'drunk dial' moment, actually more of a drunk text. Good 'ol facebook let me know he was sick...so I just asked if he was alright. And he replied right away and everything was okay I think. But that was the extent of it.

And that is where I am today. I woke up fine, not even thinking about him. Then when I did, I didn't feel like breaking down. And I was told I won a bunch of flowers so that will definitely cheer me up. One of my best mates is back in town too and I'll be so happy to catch up with her.

I still get that empty, missing him feeling but I can actually say I'm doing alright just for now. Although this post would have been in a completely different tone if I had had written it yesterday morning haha.